I can’t stop grinning like an idiot.
She just kissed me on the cheek. A genuine, impetuous, I-can’t-hold-this-inside-any-longer-or-I’ll-BURST show of affection. A first.
For the curious, we’re at 3 months and 1 week since we met. For the last six weeks, she’s been very affectionate with her Daddy. He’s gotten tons of spontaneous hugs, I love you’s, kisses on the cheek, hand-holding and general snuggliness. Truth be told, she’s been very needy with her affection and it’s been very wearing on him. Normal, but wearing. Since we got home she’s treated me like a mom, but not like someone she really just *enjoys* being with. She has come to me with her needs, she is playful with me, we have had a good relationship, but I felt like she was going deeper with my husband and not with me. Sometimes I’ve been bothered by it, even though I know it’s normal, and I’ve been interested to examine my own feelings in that. I can think of a dozen good reasons why it might be so, and I’ve rejoiced that she feels safe enough to desire closeness with one of us at least.
This morning I had to correct her on something, and for the first time I felt like I actually had enough of a relationship with her to draw against in the correction. I’m not sure that is clear. I have corrected her before, but it’s always felt like a careful dance, like trying to tell a person you really like that they have food in their teeth… on your first date. Today I was still very gentle and encouraging in my correction, but I didn’t feel the worry that says in the back of my head, “Gee, I hope this doesn’t set us back much in attachment.” I knew she knew I loved her, and I knew she loved me enough that she wouldn’t hold it against me. It was a good feeling, knowing that our relationship has reached a point that it is elastic enough to tolerate a little bit of push-pull. Progress. Attachment. Thank you, God.